i woke up looking around seeing us all laying on the ground next to each other sleeping :p this needed a picture! kilwa7da nayma w yamha akl!
i grabbed my camera and took a shoot! =))
i looked at the time .. 12:30
olaaa 6af elwakt bsr3a! our appointments are going to start !
Me: olaaaaaaa elsa3a 12:30 gomaw !!!!! ;@
F6oom: waaaay 9aba thilfay bara binam!
Me: ya 7meer elsa3a 12:30 ma tifhmon! Alzain gomay tara its your wedding day! entay el7een elmafroo'6 tkooneen bl9alon a9lan!!! zyoooon gomay ;@!
Alzain: hmmm
Me: gomaaay!
Alzain: k
mako faida wla wa7da ra'6ya tgoum! i held a bottle of water
Me: bitgomon wla shloun!
mashouf wla kil wa7da mit5asbouga w gayma ray7a el7mam eb a89a ser3a =))
Lujain: khara feeech zain!
Me: yalla jdami el7mam!
she stopped and toke the water from my hand and drank it!
Lujain: bashouf shloun thadideen el7een ?
i laughed!
Me: enzaiin yalla 5l9aw bsr3a plz 3shan ymdeena!
ALL shouting: OK!
7meer =))
so i changed too and we all headed to the saloon!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
8 hours later it was time!
we were all sitting upstairs in the room with alzain .. waiting!
i was wearing my:
.jpg)
f6oom came up!
F6oom: olaaa yal nas ely ta7at! chhhh chhh ma b'3et o9al fog
Retaj: f6oom lat5loon kilman hab w dab yi93ad fog!
Lujain: ee a7san!
moments of awkard silence ..
Alzain: tasree7ti 5tarbat mo :(
Me: la la zaina mafeeha shay!
Alzain: uff :( abi aro7 el7mam!
F6oom: la elaha ela allah cham mra r7tay el7een!
Alzain: f6oom eklay tbn tkfen! mn wi9alna w entay tl3been eb a39abi! bs!
we laughed =)) 9ij f6oom elyoum madri shfeeha mn wi9alna w ehya tsta3b6 3al kil :p
Alzain: 3ayl t3alaw! omy wenhi ?
F6oom: omch mskeena wagfa ta7at kil ma tabi ti93ad y6la3 a7ad ysalm 3leha!
Me: a55 zyoon ya elyoum ely titzawjen feeh w t'hdeena
she grabbed the comb w 7thifita 3lay!
Alzain: lo basha chan faham!
Me: zyoon walla :(
Alzain: 9booy gltlch walla mo bs 3shan tizawajt ya3ni mara7 ashoufkom! bl3aks ya3ni la titfaj2en etha nmt eb betch! me marrying fai9al dosent have anything to do with our friendship ;*
Me: i hope soo :(
Alzain: trust me!
.
.
.
we sat there for the next half an our maybe .. just sitting and chatting .. i was thinking of alzain .. thinking of zayed .. thinking of fai9al .. thinking of bader .. will anything happen today ? will something ruin alzain's wedding tonight .. will i cause a harm on them .. ra7 a5arb 3rs'hoom ? i just kept thinking
F6oom came up again!
F6oom: yalla zyoon lazm tanzleen!
alzain wayiha en9ifag w she started to tear!
Me: hob hob hob! mafe bachi el7een! shglna a7na!
Retaj: yalla zyoon 3an eldala3! kilha cham sa3a! 9adgeeni its going to be the best hours of your life ;*
Lujain: heads up zyoon ! plaster a smile on you mouth and move on! la tbcheen mafee shay ybachi!
Alzain: enshalla w walla thankyou guys for being here! jad i love you :(!
All: we love you more ;*
F6oom: yalla mshena
Alzain: yalla
we went to the elevator
and headed down!
but my phone beeped ..
allah yaster ..
Bader:
Mishtaglk mout yali 6awal '3yaaabk .. thiba7ni elshoug w enta 3ani mo darii .. athakrk klyoum w amout w a7ya bik .. w agoul wenk tji ts2al 3an a5bari ? MISHTAGLK mout walla 3oood! ya 3umri yalla kil 3umri fidalk! arjook ya 7ub '3ali 3ood malik bdali w ana mali bidalk <3 athakar ayam 7ubk yali naseeni .. yzeed elshoug hal eldam3 mn 3eni .. ya5thni el'lel lik wa97a anadeelk .. mi7tjlk ya 7beebi LA T5LEENI!! tis2alni elnas 3ani keefah a7wali .. ? agooul b5er w mani b5er yal '3ali .. ta3ban ana ya 7beebi w ra7ti gurbk .. w el5er mashoufah ela bshoufk gbali ..
Dont leave me 9aba ..
tears found their way down my cheeks! i failed to hold them .. what does he want now ?
i stared at f6oom who read my eyes ..
i wanted to ask her .. did you talk to him ?
she nodded her head ..
then why is he not stopping! hes a married guy! 5la9 .. hal shay mo mn 9al7a kilish .. ya3ni shloun '6amen eni ana mara7 aro7 w awari elmessigat 7ag bshayer!
but i wanted to replay to him! i started thinking of a song! until it hit me!
a7lam! el7een jeet! ever since he talked to me when he was drunk! i listened to this song everyday! every single day! and tears would fall from my eyes .. it described the situation so much!
Me:
el7een jeet w jabk allah elmokani ? maknt 3ndk wish'ho jabk hena ? radk '6meerk ? mn ba3ad ma nisani! youmah tinasa bl8a9b 7ubna! el7een jeet ? el7eeen jeet ? el7een jeet w jabk allah elmokani .. el7een ya3ni jeet ta6lb 7nani ? wenah '6meerk youm anadi wana! WENK wana ba3dk a'6ee3 bzmani! mn galb JASI lee 3thab w '6na .. 5alk m3aha w 5leeni ana2anii mdam rabi farag drobna .. 5alk laha! wishho yjeebk mokani ? arjok raw7 w la t3awd hena ..
Your to late bader ..
i cried even more sending that song!
Alzain: shfeeeech!
they all stared at me
All: 9aba shfeech faj2a ?
i smiled ..
Me: haw mafeeni shay! bs mit'6ayga shway 3shan zyoon ..
thats what i learned from bader ever since .. tell lies and fake smiles ..
but zyoon hugged me ..
Alzain: 9booy tkfen bs tara walla ana sh3ara w abchi! yar'6eech ?
Me: akeed ma yar'6eeni! enshalla mani bachya 5la9
5alty so3ad: yalla zyoona yalla yuma *sniff*
it was time for the entrance .. 7ram 5alty so3ad ksarat 5a6rna ga3da w tabchi. her only daughter was getting married!
Alzain: yalla!
we all went inside and waited near the chairs ..
we saw the door open slowly revealing her white dress and the rashed almajed song playing with her name in it .. we saw her make her way to her "kosha" ..
we all laughed shouted and cheered for her! she looked awesome and happy! and that was really important <3!
.
.
.
.
.
.
the time passed and all the men came from about half an hour ago ..
my phone rang
Mama calling ...
Me: hla yuma
Mom: 9aba t3alaw bara yalla bin9awer kilina
Me: ok
we all got up and headed to the other side
5alty so3ad was arranging the photo style .. kanat ga3da tratb! it was a big family photo shoot!
everybody stood next to each other .. wife and husband .. cousin and cousin .. father and mom .. except me! i was waiting between the crowds! where to go ? i kept scanning for a spot! there waas no where for me to stand .. except in a corner .. where bader stood! i didint want to go .. i didnt want to stand next to him!
5alty so3ad: yalla 9aba yuma!
bismla ! i made my way next to him and stood .. shsawi ba3ad i had to .. i stood there but looked the other side and ignored his appearance! i felt his cold stares .. i felt him looking at me .. he was staring! but i ignored everything! i didnt even look at his face!
Bader whispering: shd3wa ya 7af'6 kil hatha matbeen tshofeeni ?
i ignored him ..
Bader: i need to talk to you 9aba .
Me: shtabi ?
Bader: bakalmch
Me: kani wagfa yamk kalimni ..
Bader: privately ..
Me: mani fa'6yatlk .
the photo shoot was done! and i walked as fast as i could to get to the women's side
but he grabbed me! he grabbed my hand before i could get away!
he pulled me into a private room! and smacked my bare back to the wall!
Me: wa5er 3ani!
he started to get closer and closer to me! i was moving! i was struggling to free myself but his hands were to tight!
Me: bader walla el3a'6eem etha swet ay shay ra7 a9ar5 w alim el8a3a kilaha 3lek!
Bader: you think i care ?
he set his lips on my neck!
Me: WA5ER 3ANI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pushed him away! but he grabbed my hands again!
Me: hidni!
Bader: 9aba haday!
Me: wa5er 3ani gltlk! mabeek bader mabeeek hidni ro7 3ani tkfa mabeeeek!
Bader: magdar!
Me: tigdar 5la9 fich 3ani !!!!!!!!
Bader: 9aba fhmay eni magdar kilmafeeni mo gader yba3d 3anch! im tired! ana ga3da anhar! zgayer w da5ant bsibitich! bachi w bchet 3shanch! shrab w shirabta 3shan ansach bs mani gader !!!!! mani gader 9aba r7meeni !!!!!!!!!!
Me: well i dont care!! you think i care but i dont! etha enta ma ra7amtni 6oul lisneen ely 6afat lesh mitwa83 mni ana ar7mk ? bader enta b7yaty ensan r5ee9! b7yati ensan wa6i nidamt eni 3irafta! akrhk ! akrhk tifham shno ya3ni akrhk! knt a3shgk w ahwak bs el7een kil ma bda5li ygouli wai3! kilmashoufk tlo3 chabdi ! kirahtk! kirahtk ! kirahtk!
a tear fell from his eyes and so did eye but he slapped me .. he slapped me and stared at me! i started to cry! i watched him and cried
Me: why did i even meet you ??
i left him and ran upstairs! before anyone can see me i ran up with my tears! i went to the balcony and cried .. i just cried ..
WHY ?? why god did you choose me .. there are more then 6 trillion people in this world ? why did i be the one to be chosen for this pain .. im tired .. im simply tired .. 11 years w kilyoum agoul allah kreem .. 11 sina w ana klyoum agoul bacher y9eer a7san .. bs eyeee bacher ehwa w ehmoma! y3and galbi w jro7a!
i stared at the sky thinking ..
why am i still living .. all these years were filled with pain! my body now is like a zombie .. no soul but it moves .. my heart now is like a toy car .. it needs batteries to move .. and my hearts batteries are my tears .. whenever they fall my heart feels better again and is fully charged .. tears were always my best friends .. they visited my cheeks everyday .. tears were my body's best friend .. they were a way of saying stay strong .. they were a way of saying everything is ok .. crying has always made me feel better in my life ..
i stood looking at the people .. feeling the hot wind hit my bare skin ..
telling myself from now on .. im going to use a new way to make me feel better .. a new way to tell the world im fine! that weapon is called a smile! im going to smile to the world! im going to care about myself! im not going to waste my time caring on people that never cared about me .. im not going to give a fuck to people who never gave fuck to me .. im gonna never waste my time crying on someone that never cried on me .. im never going to expect anything from anyone .. my lesson has been learned ..
.
.
.
i just stood there .. gazing at the sky .. counting the stars in the sky .. telling myself its all over now .. he understands you'll never be his .. he understands that you no longer love him .. and he's not going to bother you anymore .. a6ayb 5a6ri .. ahdi nafsi ..
i just stood there when somebody hugged me from my back
Zayed: shitsaween fog bro7ch ?
i giggled ..
Me: just thinking :')
Zayed: feeni akeed :p?
Me: thi8aaaa :p
he suddenly let me go and bent on the ground
Zayed: 9aba i dont know in what way to say this .. bs 9aba ana a7bich!
Me: and i love you too ;*
Zayed: bs 9aba ana ever since i met you i've loved you! awal ma shftch galbi kan ygouli she's the one! and your truley the one! your the girl that my heart choose .. he choose you and loved you .. you owned my heart all these years .. and here i am now .. wondering .. asking myself and hoping the answer will be yes .. 9aba tadreen eni a7bich! bs will you marry me ?
i lokked deeply into his eyes that were sparkling .. i looked at his filled with love eyes seeing my reflection .. i will never ever in my life find a man like him .. caring, loving, responsible ..
Me: yes .. yes i will
he stood up and hugged me! he hugged me tightly and so did i .. i hugged him .. i hUgged him and had a feeling .. a great feeling .. it was a feeling of great new life .. a feeling of a fresh page that has been yet opened this second .. a page that going to contain me and zayed together .. with no more bader in it ..
a page containing new " DAYS OF OUR LIFE "
.jpg)
